Alternate Ending Theatre
by Splatter Fall
Summary: Things that might have been. This does not necessarily mean that they SHOULD have been. Ever. A little something for the readers of my more serious fics.
1. Introduction

**Introduction and Explanation.**

Hello and welcome to Alternate Ending Theatre, home of deleted scenes and things that might have been. :3 If you're interested in seeing how some of my stories might have turned out differently, this is the place go be.

Though this series is marked as "complete," it doesn't mean it wont keep updating. But since it's not an actual story unto itself and may cease at any time, I've left it marked as "complete."

Please pay attention to whether an entry is an "Alternate Ending" or a "Deleted Scene," as there is a difference between the two. And other than that, enjoy!

Note: Alternate Ending Theatre is for comedic purposes _only_ and is not an actual continuation of any of my stories. This is where I come after completing a serious fic to lighten up. :'D This also means that if you haven't read the fics these scenes belong to, you'll probably be completely lost. XD But if you _have_ read them, and have a sense of humor similar to mine, you're more than welcome to check AET out. ;D

But I will warn you! Whereas my comedy is usually in-character, a good portion of_ these_ scenes will contain some OOC or just be flat ridiculous. Proceed at your own risk. :3

_Yarr! Thar be OOC-monsters and Crack-ins in these waters, matey! _


	2. Just How Flammable?

**AET – Alternate Ending #1: Libitina – Clearing battle scene – "Just How Flammable?"**

~ ;3 ~****

The vine around Sanji's ankle lifted then, taking him right off the ground and hanging him upside-down, ready to toss him into the monster's mouth. Held up like this he could see into it; a huge set of gaping jaws ringed with thousands of teeth that spun like a grinder.

He shook his lighter violently and tried again, but just earned another useless click. Dammit, he had to get free-- he had to help Zoro.

"Light you piece of shit!"

Finally the lighter flared to life and caught the alcohol-soaked cloth hanging from the neck of the bottle. Sanji gave a harsh laugh and lobbed the thing straight into the plant's mouth. The result was a massive explosion.

The Straw Hat Pirates mourned the loss of Zoro and Sanji for a good long time, but they had to admit, the mushroom cloud had been pretty damn impressive.

The end.


	3. Moods

**AET – Alternate Ending #2: Libitina – During recovery – "Black Leg Sanji, Destroyer of Moods"**

~ ;3 ~****

Sanji shifted in his chair, looking around the dimly-lit infirmary aimlessly. "Listen, Zoro... I need to talk to you about something."

At the sound of his name, the swordsman lifted his head and looked over at Sanji, who he noted was leaning in quite close. "What?"

"It's something... important," Sanji breathed, and then lunged forward to grasp the startled swordsman's hands tightly.

Zoro's eyes widened and he stared at the blond. "What're you doing?"

"Zoro, listen, I..." Sanji took a breath, as if collecting his thoughts, and then went on, "While you were sick and we were spending so much time together I realized... that I have feelings for you."

Zoro stiffened. "Er, what... kinds of feelings?"

"Deep, _moving _feelings," Sanji said quietly, his gaze fixed on the swordsman.

"You mean...?" Zoro had about stopped breathing.

"Yes!" Sanji pulled the swordsman's hands to his chest and looked into the other's eyes intently. "Let's do it. Right now."

"Wait, what the--"

"On the floor, the table, w_herever!_" Sanji paused, then eyed the other man. "You all right with being the girl?"

The rest of the crew had no idea what prompted Zoro to throw Sanji off the ship at four in the morning, and really, they were all rather attached to life, so no one felt compelled to ask.

The end.


	4. Served

**AET – Deleted Scene #1: Libitina – During recovery – "Served"  
**  
~ ;3 ~

On her way to relieve Sanji of watch, Nami strolled down the hallway toward the infirmary, lost to her own thoughts. If she had been paying more attention she might have heard the strange noises coming from within the infirmary, but sadly she didn't, and she opened the door without hesitation.

"Sanji-kun, I'm here to--" Nami froze in the doorway as her eyes found the two occupants of the room. One of them should have been sleeping, the other keeping silent watch over him, but that was _not _what was happening here.

Zoro on the floor, shirt discarded and face flushed. Sanji leaning over him, looking rumpled and hair a mess. Both of them panting for breath and looking for all the world like a pair of deer caught in the headlights.

"N-Nami-san!" Sanji stammered as he struggled to right himself. "It's not what you think--"

Nami clamped a hand over her mouth and fled the room, the door slamming shut behind her. She ran all the way back to the dining room, where the rest of the crew was gathered, and when everyone took in the sight of her – white as a sheet, eyes wide, looking traumatized – they all jumped to their feet to rush over to her.

"Navigator-san, what happened?" Robin asked, and Nami shook her head.

"Sanji and Zoro – they--" Nami gestured aimlessly, unable to find the proper words. "I know Chopper said they couldn't beat on each other until Zoro was better, but I never thought..." Agh, it was too horrible to say!

"Are you all right?" Chopper asked, voice full of concern.

"Nami, tell us what happened," Franky said gently as he and Robin guided the rattled girl to a chair.

Nami took a shaky breath and spoke once she was seated, "I... I went to the infirmary to take over watch, but when I got there, Zoro and Sanji were – they were having--" The navigator inhaled and blurted it out before she choked up again, "_A dance fight!"_

Horrified gasps from all of the crew. Nami burst into tears.

No one would ever look at Sanji or Zoro the same again.

~ ;3 ~

…. I apologize. :'D

Makes a lot more sense if you've read the Author's Note of Libitina chapter 5.

Kerykeion, if you're reading this, I beg you to shoot me. Repeatedly.


	5. Warned

**AET – Alternate Ending #3: Concuss – Infirmary – "You Were Warned"**

~ ;3 ~

"Fine, I wont apologize then," Sanji grumbled as he struck a match for his fresh cigarette.

Zoro actually smirked, looking oddly triumphant. "Just don't do it again."

Sanji rolled his visible eye as he flicked the spent match into the trash bin by the bedside table. "Not like you can afford any more brain damage."

Zoro's expression lost a bit of its humor. "Not like you could ever actually manage to hurt me again."

Sanji's eyes narrowed faintly. "You wanna bet?"

Zoro snorted. "Unless you wanna take another cheap shot when I'm not looking..."

Sanji bit through his cigarette butt.

Ten minutes later found the pair, battered, bruised and drifting in separate life boats on either side of the Sunny in Nami's version of time-out. And there they would stay, the navigator had declared, until they grew brains, came to a truce, or were eaten by Seakings.

Well, she HAD warned them.

The end.


	6. Consequences

**AET – Alternate Ending #4: Concuss – Infirmary – "Consequences"**

~ ;3 ~

Sanji grinned as he lifted the tray from the edge of the cot and Zoro, sprawled out over the entire bed, started snoring.

Maybe he'd kick the marimo in the head more often.

Sadly the moment was ruined when the infirmary door opened to admit Chopper, the littler doctor looking cheerful until he caught a whiff of the place and looked to Sanji, who now stood in the middle of the room like a deer caught in the headlights with a cigarette perched in the corner of his mouth.

A beat, in which the door swung itself shut with a click like a death knell, then, "SANJI ARE YOU SMOKING IN THE INFIRMARY!?"

"Chopper wait it's not-- AAAHH!!"

Outside, Usopp halted in his path to the men's quarters and looked toward the infirmary, eyes widening. Was that... Sanji screaming?

"OH GOD WHY?"

Yup, that was Sanji.

Usopp stood, mouth agape, frozen on the spot. It was only after another rather unmanly scream from the infirmary that he turned to Nami and, still stunned, asked, "Should we do something?"

Nami 'tsk'ed and folded her newspaper over, never lifting her eyes from the page. "You can if you want."

A pause, another series of crashes and shouting which now seemed to include Zoro in some capacity – was the swordsman LAUGHING? - and Usopp decided to just pretend he hadn't heard anything at all.

The end.


End file.
